Drugs Destroy

So this past Friday some really crazy stuff went down where I grew up, including: the city’s police department, a negotiator, an evacuation of an apartment building, a battering ram, taser guns, broken windows, doors broke in half, glass everywhere, two arrests, and the SWAT team. This place had drugs, disgusting pictures all over the walls and floor, and a baby was soon to be brought into all of this. The cleanest room in this place was what was to be the baby’s room. It was said that a friend of theirs had stuff in it and they had been trying to get him to come get it. As I walked pass this room I seen a picture on the floor of a baby and realize it’s a friend’s child. I start to notice a bunch of them. Then I see mail of his. Turns out he is the person who had been staying there. After seeing what this place looked like it broke my heart knowing he was staying there. This is what his choices in life had brought him to. When I say this person is a friend I use the term loosely. We were pretty good friends for years, then I got engaged, pregnant, moved out of state, and got married and he seemed to fade away. We don’t talk much anymore, rarely at all because of his choices. He has brought himself to this place in his live where he is living in a house infested with meth, pipes everywhere, filth, disgusting pictures, who knows what else. It saddens me because he could have, and still can, achieve so much more in life. It’s sad how drugs can destroy a person so much to resort to living in these conditions. I found out he is currently a wanted fugitive and it actually makes me happy when he is incarcerated. At least I know he’s sober and thinking clearly. If only he could stay sober. I know these are his stupid choices and I don’t feel bad at all. It’s just heartbreaking that someone who meant so much to me is living like this. He still means something to me and I still love him but we will never be the friends we were because of his choices.   ..... I just had to vent, thanks for listening. 

Here's the story...

Counting down....

I have a count down going on in my head and I wish it would just go away. I wish I could stop stressing about this surgery. I am worried about missing school, it effecting my grades, and of course the worse. I am one of those people who will over think everything and pick it apart from every angle about what could possibly happen. My daughter goes to preschool/daycare and the day before my surgery she is scheduled to go until 5pm. I mentioned to a friend I may pick her up early to spend time with her before I have surgery. She asked why, what's different, and I said, "what if I die." Why do I even think about this stuff? Why do I torture myself? I hate that I think these things, am I the only one who does this?? Am I that weird?

Dearest Liver...

I had a doctors appointment Monday and found out I need to have surgery. I'm not really looking forward to it, who would be. I have spots on my liver called hepatic adenomas cause from estrogen in birth control pills. I've been to 4 doctors, 2 liver surgeons, 5 hospitals in 3 different states, and had so many tests done that I have lost count. So now I need to have a liver resection, they will be removing 30% of my liver. The surgery is not super crucial that I need to have it done right away and I would normally wait but if I ever want to have any more kids I need to get it taken care of. When you're pregnant since your estrogen is higher it can make these spots grow bigger to the point that they can rupture and I could bleed internally. Hepatic adenomas occur in less than 0.004% of the population. Yay me! I sure wish these odds could have been directed towards something a little more exciting like the lottery. 

I cannot stop stressing out about having surgery. I don't know why, I had my gallbladder removed the exact same way so you think I'd be ok with it. My anxiety is so high because of all of this. I've been a wreck since Monday. I'm just trying to not think about it now.

Today I got everything set up for it. My surgery is on Wednesday November 21st, which also happens to be my birthday. Happy Birthday to me! I never really do anything too exciting for my birthday so why not sit in a hospital. At least I can't say I have nothing to do on my birthday. Just trying to look on the bright side I guess.  

The part in red is what is being removed.